Just as I thought...

I made the scale cry. :-0 I've been avoiding the thing, can't avoid the fact I feel like crap though. So me and the scale are back on speaking terms... well if it ever stops crying. At least I'm not going to just avoid it anymore. I may however take up crying with it.

Today's eating is going well. I had toast with 1/2 oz of peanut butter on it... Tia, I'm eating your peanut butter thingies! :-0 Figured that way I would be less prone to add "extra". So my two slices of 9 grain bountiful baskets bread with my 1/2 oz peanut butter packet divided between the two has GOT to be better then my normal morning breakfast of two scrambled eggs with cheese and 2 slices of buttered toast. right? Maybe I should look into the factuality of that statement, instead of just assuming in my head. I will note, that I was perfectly happy with that for breakfast. Of course now I just keep thinking about food. Not even hungry, just want to eat it cause the possibility is out there. This is something I know I need to work on, eating when not hungry just because its there. Ahhhhh this is like AA, or what I assume AA would be like as I've never been there. confessions confessions confessions.

Oh yes, last night as I climbed into bed I remembered something else I need to work on. Going to bed at a decent hour. Yep, that definately needs some work. I hate getting into bed until I am so exhausted that I know I will have a chance of falling asleep. I need to find a way to be able to shut my mind off earlier. I think I will add melatonin to my shopping list.

sooooo.....

Long time, no type. just call me a slacker. It's all good I can handle it. Besides it's true so ehh, whats a person to do.

So, it is Sept 20, 2011 for at least another half hour, it is also the last day of the past of my life.... don't get your knickers in a knot (if you ever read this... TIA! ha, since your the only one who ever even contemplates reading this) I said past of my life, not rest of my life, or life period. Tomorrow, is the first day of the rest of my life. of course Tomorrows are ALWAYS the first days of the rest of your life, but I need to figure out my life. What am I doing to do with myself for the next 35 years? Will I live that long? I truly need to do something to get healthier... hell my blood pressure alone is enough to kill a person, not to mention the rest of the unhealthy issues I have going on.

So here's whats gonna happen, I need to own up to the fact that I need to change. I need to find a way to get some freaking willpower cause I don't have any! Not sure how I'm going to go about that yet. I need to hold myself accountable somehow. I'm going to start by confessing my transgressions here if I don't tow the line. My aim is to make a few small changes at a time and not completely beat myself up and then give up over falling of the wagon. When I say small... I mean small. I already know I have no willpower and I know that if I set my standards for myself to high I will fail, so I need to come up with a way to set reasonable goals. there might be a lot of stumbling going on for awhile, but hopefully there will be some progress.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to start laying off some of the bad things. My first aim is to just shoot for smaller meals and less "crap" and weaning myself from the fine lovely beverage Monster... mmmmm.... monster. I also aim to add 15 minutes of some sort of exercise a day. I will take the fat brown dog for a walk.. or ride the bike.. or play DDR! ahhhhh I used to love to play DDR. I will face the scale in the morning and go from there. I will try to make updates throughout the week and confess my transgressions... oh the optimism. That SHOULD have read "Celebrate my accomplishments", but I am just not feeling it yet. Come Monday or Maybe Tuesday since it IS Tuesday now, I will post a real update. and we'll see how it goes.

After I get this little bit of hell underway, my next thing is to figure out what I am going to do about needing a job for the next 35+ years. Doh!

On that note, I am outta here!